un-matched

residency results came out and i didn't match. rather upset about it, all my friends matched happily (except the boys going into army, different story). i hadn't harboured much hope, esp since they kept saying the pool is very small, very few will match in. but how come all my friends matched and i didn't? really thankful for my non-med friends who are bringing me out for drinks and wallowing in misery toms. could really do without more of this rubbing in your face thing right now. am not as depressed as i thought i would be (since i was actually considering rejecting residency and applying for emed training instead), but it really kind of sucks to be told that i am too lousy to be matched. many people have told me i am quite good, so WHY?? WHY. sometimes we don't understand how things work. i don't. i don't understand all this, am not going to pretend i do. but as long as i have chocolate and family and God, things will be okay. just give me some time

today was a much better day :))
i did walkers today, ortho cases make me :))))
plus even managed to diagnose an anterior MI and get a "well done" out of the grumpy cardio registrar which made me really :D :D :D :D
somedays, i really love my job! today is just one of those days :)

oof

so. today was not the best of days. i flubbed 7 out of my 8 plugs that i had to set. i saw only 8 patients.

i could have pushed myself, stayed overtime and seen a 9th. but what would have been the point?

somedays are good days and some are bad days. today was a bad day. i felt like a noob intern struggling with plugs again for the first time, like my first ever call in the labour ward where i failed 8 plugs out of 10. that was one miserable night! :(

but like all things, it comes to pass. today was made much better by eating my hand delivered aussie tim tams (thank you so much chris! :) xx), drinking green tea, and watching Yes Minister :)

i will never get tired of humphrey's ridiculousness :))) and i love their language, it is really all sorts of awesome! must go re-read the books ;)

i could really use a break. and i just had a break! :\ uh ohhh. but super looking forward to gold coast, i must say :))))

dissections

dissecting aortas, that is!

wasn't personally involved in caring for the patient - but my friend was. turns out the intial complaint was of upper back pain, not resolving despite iv morphine. On his very good suspicion - CT aortogram was done, which showed...

A STANFORD A DISSECTION.

WHAT THE BLOODY HECK! how rare are these compared to msk strains and the like!!!! omg. @_@

so vascular came down to see patient - arrangements made for him to be transferred to a level 1 cardiothoracic surgery centre were in place, and ambulance was right outside waiting, when...

THE PATIENT COLLAPSED.

again, WHAT THE BLOODY HECK! he went into VF and was shocked. at some point, the vascular attending was there along with the vascular and CTS senior residents (having driven madly down from the level 1 centre). omg.

decision for emergency thoracotomy was made, and internal cardiac massage done. it was so abso-bloody-lutely thrilling to watch the heart being massaged and shocked with internal paddles, a feeling i cannot quite describe except that my heart was in my throat, hammering away, and felt like it was about to jump out at any minute.
there was SO MUCH BLOOD evacuated from the pericardial cavity. that must have been some dissection (and it was, when i saw the CT scan!).

it was all very well and thrilling, until they decided to call off the resus. the patient's daughter is from the same college as me, and i felt so super sad when she turned up in her logo shift and college badge :( :( :(
i mean, things always hit closer to home when you can relate somehow, eh?

am totally grateful that i managed to witness all that (hiding behind curtains, perched on a stool, hidden by the human wall of nurses). it was really quite amazing, not to put too fine a point on it. well worth my staying back over an hour to see what happened!

emed simultaneously repulses and thrills me. i detest drunks/regulars, but i absolutely LOVE the thrills of a resus! seriously considering emed, but i'm not quite sure if i can actually give up ob/gyn or the OT!